I was asked to “fill in” for both the singer and guitar player in an original band. This was particularly challenging because I’d have to do all the singing and all the guitar soloing.
There were a lot of lyrics to memorize. I could have used an iPad but that’s not my way. If you don’t have the words “in you” then they won’t sound very good coming “from you.”
So, there was that. And then there were all the changes in the music. And the intros. And the endings. And the guitar solos. All for just 2 festival gigs.
After learning all 40 songs, and yes it took me awhile, there was one larger more critical component which was playing with, and in this case, leading the band, despite zero rehearsals.
I lost a word here and there and screwed up a melody line somewhere but for the most part I nailed it (that was the language of the band and how they described it to me…”you nailed it”).
I was proud of the work I put in and I’m not telling you this to brag.
Minutes after the 1st show, backstage, the bandleader chastised me on the 2 or 3 little things without mentioning the 95 things that went well (musicians reading this will know that these were things the audience didn’t even hear, alas, still important).
I nodded along with him and amended to get the last 3% of “commanding it” together. The band…actually grew pissed at him and it turned out that I had to defend him to them.
The reason the band is tight is because someone needs to shoot for that unattainable excellence that we never get to right? I felt bad for him but sometimes someone has to be the bad guy. The boss. The headmaster. Whatever. Shoot for perfection all you want.
I was simultaneously disappointed that he was so callous about it and happy to simply shrug it off while feeling bad for him that he couldn’t just be happy with the unjustifiable amount of time that I had put into the material.
So, my answer is yes. It is possible to paradoxically feel both and decided to swim in one direction.